The Day Daddy Died (4/17/1981)
Music: Brain Damage
Artist: Pink Floyd
Shared by: Mary for her Father
“Even though he had a breathing tube in his mouth, was heavily sedated and couldn’t respond, I know I saw his lips move as if he were trying to tell me he loved me, too. ”
My father had experienced heart trouble for as long as I could remember. I was 26 years old when I got the call to fly to Dallas; he had had a bypass operation and things weren't looking good.
When I got to the ICU, my brothers, sisters and mother were all there. The nurses gave us all time to go in individually and say our final words to him. I spoke with him from my heart, told him how much I loved him and how much he would be missed. Even though he had a breathing tube in his mouth, was heavily sedated and couldn't respond, I know I saw his lips move as if he were trying to tell me he loved me, too.
When he died, all of my family members were in the room with him - except for me. I didn't have the courage to stand there and watch my Daddy die, so I left the room.
I am 71 now, and I have regretted leaving his room every day since then. When we left the hospital late that night, I got in the rental car and "Brain Damage" was just starting to play on the radio. Ever since that day, when I hear that track, I am transported to that night when I was so alone and the first gut-wrenching loss in my life had broken my heart.
Several years later, I became a hospice nurse to help patients and their families as they tried to accept the end of their lives. I know I followed this path to try and help family members whose hearts were breaking as their loved one died.
I didn't have the guts to be there for my own father, but I hope I helped those families find the courage they needed to say goodbye.
"I'll see you on the dark side of the moon."