My Little Brother
Music: For a Friend
Artist: The Communards
Shared by: Donna for her Brother
“My dad made him a wheeled ‘trolley’ when he got bigger, he could lie on it and pull himself along, then he progressed to a small red wheelchair which I loved to have a go in, squealing with excitement due to the speed. ”
My little brother, Shawn, was 18 months younger than me, I loved his deep brown eyes and olive skin (he took after my mum, and I took after my ginger haired dad).
He was born with Spina Bifida and was paralysed from the waist down. My earliest memories are of him pulling himself along the floor at home, once he helped himself to food from our cats bowl, she was called Bimbo and Shawn loved her.
My dad made him a wheeled 'trolley' when he got bigger, he could lie on it and pull himself along, then he progressed to a small red wheelchair which I loved to have a go in, squealing with excitement due to the speed. I was acutely aware that I was lucky to be able to dance, run and skip, and would sometimes become sad and angry about the unfairness of life, but we always included Shawn in our dancing, especially at the school disco. A memorable afternoon with my older sister and brother and Shawn was when Adam and The Ants were in the charts, and we wore white painted stripes across our faces and danced to 'Prince Charming'.
Sadly my parents divorced when I was 11 and in the following years my mum struggled to care for Shawn as he grew bigger and heavier. Shawn went to live in a residential home many miles away, my mum couldn't drive and so we didn't see Shawn much, but he did come for visits. I remember being angry at my parents for 'sending him away' and it was only when I had my own children that it dawned on me how hard it must have been for my parents.
I left home aged 19 and moved to London to start medical school, my ambition was to help disabled children live better lives, the time I spent in hospitals visiting Shawn planted that seed. I qualified as a doctor in 1994, and within weeks of starting my first job as a junior doctor, Shawn was admitted to a hospital 120 miles away from where I was living. He had an infection and my mum told me he was very unwell. As soon as I could, I drove to see him, the whole family were there and as usual, Shawn was smiling. I glanced at his blood results and was shocked to see how badly his kidneys were failing,
I wanted to donate a kidney to him but my mum told me he was too weak to survive.
I had to drive back to London for work, a long a tiring drive, I'd finally arrived back home and was opening the door when my phone rang. Shawn had died soon after I had left.
21 years have passed and tears still come easily when I think about Shawn, especially when I hear the song 'For a Friend', which I had chosen to be played at his funeral.