Finding Dad
Music: Waiting For You
Artist: Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
Shared by: George for his Dad
“I’ve been buying vinyl for my son since before his birth, writing Post-it notes for each one explaining why it matters. ‘Ghosteen’ is in that pile now. Maybe one day, when he’s older, we’ll listen to it together. And in that moment, three generations will be there, held together by music.”
I always thought it odd, in the years that had passed since my dad died, that there wasn’t a song I really associated with him. Music has been everything to me since I was very young, soundtracking my fondest and strongest memories, and there must be hundreds (if not thousands) of songs that remind me of different people.
The Beach Boys certainly bring back singalongs in the car when we were on holiday as a family, and he had a habit of singing Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin’ from Oklahoma! at the top of his lungs first thing in the morning - but he was never taking it seriously. I guess I just never knew a song he really loved, or we never truly shared a moment around one.
This feeling of disconnect went round my head for some 13 years, until I became a father myself.
It’ll come as no surprise to those who have lost a parent and then become a parent themselves that I started to miss him more than ever. Obviously, I’ve been incredibly sad that he’ll never know his grandchildren, but more than anything, I couldn’t shake the idea that my parent wouldn’t see me parent.
Then one morning, something clicked. I spent those first few months on almost daily sunrise walks with a sleeping baby to give my wife a chance to catch up on sleep, and on one of those occasions, doing laps of the Lordship Rec in Tottenham, I put ‘Ghosteen’ by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds on in my headphones.
Some of you will know it was the first full album written after the tragic death of Cave’s son, Arthur, so it seems obvious, given the content, that it would elicit such a strong emotional response. And yet there I was, ‘Waiting for You’ reaching its chorus, as the sun broke through, with tears in my eyes, staring at my son, thinking of my dad, quite unexpectedly.
Understandably, that song now means a lot more to me than it did before. Its opening notes trigger instant goosebumps, and I often get sad, but strangely (given I consider myself an agnostic), I find the most comfort in its themes of faith and optimism - hoping to see him just one more time.
I’ve been buying vinyl for my son since before his birth, writing Post-it notes for each one explaining why it matters. ‘Ghosteen’ is in that pile now. Maybe one day, when he’s older, we’ll listen to it together. And in that moment, three generations will be there, held together by music.